We sit around the table
as a family
to be whitness eating food
they set it in front of me
they say that it is healthy
i myself disagree
to have to force it down
struggling every bite
to do it though its wrong
to inside i can feel right
bend down and let it out
all im holding in
its out of my control
its happening again
with the way i look
im almost satisfied
and even though it does not hurt
its killing me inside
1 bite 2 bite 3 bite 4
this is all i can take
i cant eat any more
i run into the bathroom
shut the door, turn on the light
bend over, hold my stomach
and quiver at the sight
i check my immage in the mirror
and seem to dissapeer
little by little
day by day
a small part of me
has slowly gone away
i am getting weaker
but more gradually getting thin
i know i cannot stop
i will do this again
to make myself feel better
about the way i am
if only you were over weight
you would understand
i only wanted to loose a few pounds
maybe five or six
i couldnt think of a better way
than to make myself get sick
but now i've gone to far
and my bodys in control
i try to fight against it
but its too powerful
im feeling kind of dizzy
so i take a few steps back
the room seems to be spinning
and everything turns black
they burst into the house
found me on the kitchen floor
picked me up and hurridly
rushed me out the door
the sirens schreaming loudly
the lights are flashing bright
paramedics surround me
im shivering in fright
my head feels very heavy
my cheeks are getting flush
im having trouble breathing
like lmy lungs are being crushed
they took me out the ambulance
and into the ER
my mothers right beside me
yet she seems so very far
my body is alert
but my eyes; they want to wheap
so i finally give in
and cry myself to sleep
i wake up in a room
wearing nothing but a gown
i try to sit up in my bed
but cordes; they hold me down
my mothers in a chair
right beside my bed
her eyes are closed
i see shes sleeping
her hand upon my head
i want to say im sorry
for my words be heard out loud
but when i try to speak
i hear but not one sound
i touch my fingers to my lips
to see what is wrong
a find a feeding tube going in
its beeps the harmony of my song
a tall man in white
walks into my my room
leans over top of me
says "you'll be better soon"
he said i have a food dissorder
one that can be helped
with a little bit of counceling
and it will all work out
my mother is awake now
listening to his words
as a tear runs down her cheek
my heart begins to hurt
to see the anger in her eyes
to know im one whom shes despised
how could i be so selfish
and not think of how shed feel
i was to worried about how i looked
and not what is made real


 
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