Trapped are the revolutions of thought in my mind, twisting, jumbled, and
spittin' out the rind; craving that chance for a fresh feeling,
I'm over the crying and over the kneeling. Looking back at retrospect,
I kept them there to protect my self-image from being tainted, the many
faces I've worn , they were painted. Just a simple splash of deadness
with color, my heart grew cold, it became duller. One day I decided to pull
my head out my ass, good friends told me "this too shall pass",
but lying like a carcass in grim, I analized my being, where shall I begin?
Do I start with that father figure who raped me of my pride, stole away my
manhood before I was five, made me a victim in his world, he instilled my
fear, time and time again I felt death was near. Or should I start with the
society that always tore me apart, what are you?, who are you?, what do you
consider yourself more? What are you talkin' about, I thought I was a
person, I thought I was yours. Kicked out that family, where did I tie in?
I ask myself where do I begin? Should I go back to the days where moms was
laid on her back, the day when that same man would attack, how many blows
would she take before it became enough, I know life isn't suppose to be
easy, but damn thats so rough like 80 grit sand paper scrapping off my face,
I had a dilema, what was my race? Well we will forget 'bout that and
just flash forward, tuck that away in the trunk of my mind. We will deal
with that later. Lets hide for a while inside a building with painted
glass, maybe lets say sunday, maybe then all the pain will go away, lets
enroll in a room with a strict woman who tells us about our faith. I
can't understand, I can't relate. Lets flash forward and tuck
this away in a chest, we'll get to that later. Today I woke up, there
is change , my body has taken on a new shape and I'm feeling, well I
don't know what I am feeling, something is different, I feel strange.
Maybe if I listen to my leaders I can arrange all those feelings so I am
socially correct. Maybe if we throw on new clothes, change the hair, give
me a girl, we could protect. Protect who?Me or Yourself? Lets hide it
between the jewels, the power, the family wealth. Put that away once again
deep in the mattress of my mind, maybe then the answers we will find. Time
lapses, there is a large gap, all alone, whats up with that? Survival of
the fittest, do what I gotta do. Lie, deciept, change all the rules. No
one told me this was unacceptable but it was ok before. Now they can't
deal with it so lets close the door, close out the chapter of the same story
that doesn't end, he doesn't exist anymore , can't we
pretend? I've been lookin to get away from me, become my own being,
and be the real me!
 
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