I SWALLOW

It goes down
smooth and warm sometimes
gritty,coarse other times
yet I crave the taste
of your affection
I starve for your attention
it looks so inviting
as you serve me your love
on a glistening silver spoon
I just swallow
what you say
what you do
what you want me to believe
and try not to choke

You spoon feed me
illusions
like they were pills
enteric coated and
sweetened
to hide the after taste
of bitterness
when reality sets in
when the truth eats away
at the lining of my stomach
l wash it down with blindness
you dilute it with kindness
I just swallow
my doubts
my fears
my insecurities
and try not to choke

Your promises in big portions
taste like truthful distortions
as you lead me to believe
that you are my source
of substance
you provide nutrients for
my heart to be sustained
my hunger is never satisfied
I continue to feel empty
I hang on every word
never dissecting them
for a lie
never to question the
emotion implied
I just swallow
your passion
your neglect
your inconsistency
and try not to choke

With spoon in hand
you say
" here now open wide"
my palette detects the
taste of imitation love
detects the poison
on the end of my tongue
the aroma of betrayal
I just swallow
my self-esteem
my pride
my dignity
and I try not to choke

As you shove the spoon in
my gag reflexes take over
my stomach rumbles
my throat constricts
all my pain,anger, and rage
regurgitates
for you have fed me
deception on ecrypted
tablets
I can't keep it down
the spoon is now
tarnished and dirty
and as you shove it
down further
the look on your face
of self satisfaction
I can't help to think
"why?" as strangled
tears roll down my cheek
and you just watch
as I choke

 
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