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My Story
05/27/2004 @ 2:09am
By:
bctmnyh

I make my life go on,
But people ruin it till dawn,
I hate being alive,
But yet I still survive,
Thinking if I should pull this Trigger,
But first get drunk off liquor,
Waiting for tha day where life becomes happy,
Sure enough that will never happen,
Able to help others but thy self,
Listens to music to drown myself,
But once tha music stops,
My heart seems to drop,
Badly wanting to end my life right now,
But thinking of someone holds me down,
Hating this world and waiting to leave,
But before I happen to decease,
I want everyone to see how I’m feeling,
Tha pain I happen to be sealing,
I just sit here and think if I should go,
Why does my conscience make me think so low,
Why do I have to be a pessimist,
Why do I have to be so hesitant,
Thinking of others and how bad they have it,
But can’t help but to think when I was a kid,
My stomach starts to ache,
Thinking of that saint,
No one knows my life,
Losing my soul to this knife,
I’m always Felling so lonely,
Annoyed by people that are phony,
I don’t see a future in me,
Falling down to my knee,
Forcing myself back on my feet,
Blood covering me like a sheet,
Walking to clean myself up,
All of a sudden I just erupt,
Continues walking to tha shower,
Trying to look as pretty as a flower,
I walk out and got dressed,
Getting even more stressed,
Begins to blast my music,
My pain isn’t gone but music sooths it,
Looking around and sees a gun,
Thinking may be I should run,
But walks to it and grabs it,
Holds it to my head and throws a fit,
Putting my finger on tha trigger ready to pull,
But all I would be doing is selling my soul,
Thinking if I will be going to heaven or hell,
Wondering if I will either pass or fail,
Looking back in my past only seeing bloodshed,
Looking around and everyone is wearing red,
Seeing this world in 2 point of views,
As I was before I’m still confused,
Telling people to look past tha fact that I’m ghetto,
Trying to get on tha level where everything is settled,
Looking past that so many people love me,
Hurting them like a sting from a million bees,
Knowing that I am only good enough to be a friend,
Not caring to much about that but will near tha end,
Wondering why I haven’t left yet,
But once I get a nine I’m set,
Seeing pain in so many eyes,
Thinking to myself that it’s all lies,
Knowing that people will cry,
Wait what am I saying that’s a lie
Stays here to see another day,
But then it starts to fade away,
My life is getting stolen,
Without no one even knowing,
Wondering if I’ll die early or late,
Not really caring if I desicate,
Waiting to see if there is happy in me,
Trying anything for this pain to ease,
Not wanting to become sleazy,
But willing to if it frees me,
As I write my heart seems to opens up,
I can say tha same with my cuts,
Telling everyone that I choose my own path,
But all they want to do to me is nag,
But as I come out with all I fell,
All of my cuts seem to seal,
This has been my story,
Don’t come after me with fury,
 
Copyright © bctmnyh, All Rights Reserved


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