Why Can’t I

Why can’t I just get out of here?
And just let life take me where I want to go.
Why can't I figure out why he doesn’t love me anymore?
When he said he did over and over again.
Why can't I just die and get it over and done with?
Instead of waiting the wait for later.
Why can't he just stop taking advantage of me?
I’m supposed to be his “little sister”.
Why can't I get the image of me being beaten and raped out of my head?
Why can't I make thing right between me and certain people?
I have so much anger in my body but why?
Why can't I for once get what I want?
The love of my life for a boyfriend, my parents not getting on my back for
nonsense things, friends not using me to get to my brothers, just have a day
where nothing goes wrong.
Why can't I do what I want with whom I want?
They don't trust me they think I’m going to do something stupid again
like drugs or drinking or have sex when the guy doesn’t “love me”.
Why can't I have to be reminded of the mistakes that I have done day
after day?
Instead of just dropping it and let it go, it was in the past this is now
not then.
Why can't I have a healthy family?
Instead of having my dad really sick and me being scared every time he goes
to the hospital.
Thinking he could not come back out of there,
Or my grandmother why did she have to have a stroke?
She’s a great woman did no harm to anyone or anything.
Why must I pay for other people’s faults?
Why must I sit on the sidelines?
Why my I keep my mouth shut when something happens?
I don't have the guts to say anything.
Why can't I feel like a normal teenage girl?
And not have to deal with the things that I have to go through.
Why can't someone else be in my shoes for once?
And let me be in theirs to see what its like to be not me for at least one
day.
Is that possible?
Why must I go through so much drama for only a 15 year old?
Gone through so much in my only 15 years of living starting from day one to
now 15 years later.
What is my purpose here on Earth?
To help others in their pain, or tell people what happened to me so they
won't end up like the awful person I am today.
Why do I have to lie?
How is this lying helping I?
Its helping me not tell people who the real me is that I can lie through
life and not need anyone’s help.
Why can't I be the real me for once in my life?
Instead of just trying to please everyone from parents to guys to friends.
Why can't I just be me?
Is it that hard for me to do, I think so because everyday I wear a “mask” to
not show the true self of me.
Why can't I have breakdowns once in a while?
Instead of me always having to be the strong one and never having to show
fear.
Do I have to be this “tough girl” all the damn time?
Can I have a least one-day where I can cry out all my sorrows and laugh at
all the things that are laughable?
Why can't I just let people see the real me and take off this “mask”
that I wear all the time?
No, I need to have this “mask” so no one needs to know the real me.
So basically why can't I just be me and live life the way I want
without worrying about what people think of me and not worry about other
people’s lives?
Just focus on myself for once. But I know that won't happen.
So I’ll just keep wearing this so-called “mask” until the day I die.

~Queen~

 
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