You blame me for the hurt and pain you go through. Im sorry Im not that girl
you wanted to touch, to hug, to love at all. When you see me, you won't
smile. Am I an embarassment? All because I wouldn't kiss you in front of all
your friends? Because I don't smoke like you, act and talk like you? Because
I'm not you? Just because my wrists are torn and bloody, because I throw up
after eating, I want to be myself. I want to be pretty, I strive to be
pretty. And I will long to hear the words that I am until I die. I will not
go on through life with this excess skin, with people mocking me and calling
me names behind my back. The days grow weary and my thoughts grow darker,
more morbid, more suicidal. The way I like it. So, you don't like me I hear?
Well, this is who I am, I'm not changing, I can't change, and I won't. Not
for you, not for anyone. This is who I want to be, who I long to be. This is
what I live for. Take all the money I have, take the friends I have away,
and leave me with nothing. I'm used to it. Take my body and use me like a
toy. You always did, you have and I know you'll do it again. The way you
touched me, felt me, rubbed my body. You gripped me and squeezed me. You
hurt me. How could you take innocent me and throw me around like a doll? Is
that all I am? A showcase doll? A model for you to flaunt to your friends? I
don't think so. I don't want to be used by you, by your friends, by anyone
for that matter. This girl you see, the one with the fake smile, false
attitude and death thoughts, is the girl you once loved. But she has changed
her mind about everything. She's coming back into her own world, with her
own mind, you can't stop her, her thoughts are racing. This girl is me. And
nothing you can do will change me. I am who I am, and I like what I'm doing.
Stop saying you want me back, don't touch me, don't smile at me. It's all
over now, as I rest my head down on the floor, it'll be over soon. My tears
will stop pouring now, my fears will stop forming now. My life will be
better now, as soon as I lay down to rest...
 
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