TWAS THE NIGHT BEFOR CHRISTMAS AND ALL THROUGH THE HOOD
NOT A CREATURE WAS STIRRING CUZ IT’S ALL GOOD
THE GUNS WERE HUNG IN THEIR HOLSTERS WITH CARE
EVEN THE COCKRACHES STAYED IN THEIR LITTLE LAIR

THEY DECORATED A TWIG WITH SOME STRING AND POCKET LINT
BECAUSE THEY HAD NO MONEY FOR A TREE, NOT EVEN A CENT
THEY LAID UNDER THE TWIG A FEW PRESENTS WRAPPED IN NEWS PAPER
ONE SHOE, A PENNY, AND A BROKEN WINDOW DRAPPER

THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN AROSE SUCH A CLATTER
IT WAS SANTA CLAUSE CLIMBING DOWN THE FIRE ESCAPE LADDER
HE WAVED TO THE CRACKHEADS BUT THEY DIDNIT GIVE A SHIT
THEY WERE TO BUSY GETTING HIGH AND ASKED SANTA IF HE WANTED A HIT

THEY TOLD HIM IT WAS SAFE AND EVERYONE MERRY WAS DOING IT
SO SANTA BELIVED THEM AND WITH THE CRACKHEADS HE DID SIT
"I THINK I'M HALLUCINATING" DID THE CRACKHEAD CHEER
"CUZZ IN THE WINDOW I SEE A REINDEER

YOU'RE NOT HALLUCINATING SAID THE FUCKED UP SANTA
THAT’S ONE OF MY REINDER, HIS NAME IS PRANCAH
AND UP ON THE ROOF IS DASHAH AND DANCAH AND VIXEN,
COMET AND CUPID, RUDOLPH AND BLITZEN
THEN ONE OF THE CRACK HEADS ASKED SANTA HOW REINDEER FLY
"I GIVE THEM MAGICAL WHITE STUFF" SANTA REPLIED
SANTA REACHED OVER AND PUT THE POWDER TO RUDOLPH’S NOSE
AS YOU WATCH IT TURN INTO A BRIGHT RED GLOW
RUDOLPH SHOT OFF AND SPED THROUGH THE AIR
AND BOUNCED FROM ROOF TO ROOF WITHOUT A CARE
THE CRACK HEADS ASKED IF THEY COULD HAVE SOME POWDER FOR THEMSELVES
SANTA REPLIED "THAT’S NOT MY BUSINESS; I GET IT FROM THE ELVES"
SANTA GOT UP AND SAID HE MUST BE ON HIS WAY
THERE ARE MANY KIDS WHO NEEDS THEIR PRESENTS TODAY
SO THEY ALL SAID THEIR GOODBYES AND MADE PROMISES TO WRITE
AND SANTA LEFT WITH SAYING A MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD
NIGHT

 
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