The knife is just a symbol
For the world I fell into
I told you that I never meant to hurt you
I know that sometimes sorry isn't enough
But I thought we were closer than that
I admitted I was wrong
Told you I took responsibilty
So go ahead and deny any part in my pain
Tell yourself you didn't help my downfall
So the scissors were never in your hand
But you you were on my mind
I wanted to try again
Have a fresh start, forget the past
And you forgot I ran out on my romance
I'm not wanted anymore, remember
Though you should know since you helped me lose
Flirty, pretty, gorgeous...teasing all the boys
Including the one I loved, right in front of my eyes
I only feel betrayal, sadness, and pain
Yet I sit in silence and smile
Ask you for forgivness
Ask for something I gave to you in a heartbeat
You ditched me too remember?
You were in love too, though I never could be sure
And even then I never said a word
I take my hurt in silence and take it to the heart
If you opened me up
The wounds from you and all the others
Would still be horrible and red
So you're right, you shouldn't have to apologize for leaving me
behind
For talking behind my back
For making me cry
It's all my fault right?
I should have been stronger, should've known better
But you were never there to help
Sure when I was sad or crying on the outside, you helped out
But you turned away when my tears were silent
Best friends are no joke, they're a riddle to be solved
And it looks like you're giving up too soon
I don't know what you want of me
Sorry is all I have to give you and hope for a better tomorrow
And you have turned me down
Again you bring the edge closer to my hand
So go ahead deny it all, don't be sorry for betraying me
I tried to do the grown up thing
Admit my faults, my wrongs, my sins
Ask you for forgivness and say I'm sorry over and over again
Always thought we were stronger than that
Through thick and thin, I guess I'm still naive
I guess I have to grow up yet again
And finally realize maybe Jesus gave up on the cross
Maybe he meant it when he said he was forsaken
He learned the ones we love the most, only hurt us in the end
Hear me Jesus, help me be like you...
I wanted to be better, turn over a new leaf
My love now gone, my hope now shattered
I looked to you for comfort and wound up in the dirt
So I'll admit again that what I did was wrong
I should never have lied to you
I feel horrible for hurting you
But my God look at all the things that could go wrong
What I could have done
I lied about my whereabouts
You lied about your heart
So when I feel the blade as it tears across my skin
Know I'm not waiting for your sorry
But wallowing in your silence
And screaming my sorry to you
Hopefully one day, I'll be forgiven


*Btw, I'm not still cutting, it was once after two years and it hasnt
happened since. I had a momentary break down and lost it...not like it
matters to you though that I cried for giving in again.*
 
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