This calmness must be a coy mask.
I should be broken and bleeding.
I am alone-
without you.

Do you understand the great lengths that I went to just to get you?
The time taken is innumerable.
Yet here I am, in this sliver of time-past after your goodbye recital.

Here I am; alone and silenced.
Am I dreaming this calm?
I don’t know.

Is this reality really happening?
Its as if I’ve taken some type of drug.
What it is, I do not know.
Its erased the pain that
should be present
-the depression I most certainly should be trapped under.

What is this bubble I now find myself floating inside?

Have I finally made a correct choice?
Have I been released from some sinister grasp?
What is this?

Even my tears hold nothing.
My words show no meaning,
no glint of life.

Have I disappeared from reality?

Where am I?
What have I become?

This silence must be a costume….

Suddenly I am surrounded by a quiet nothing and to everyone else,
it surely must be frightening.

Maybe this is what my everything has become
--nothing.

This is not who I was before.
Yet, just who she is, I do not know.

I can’t remember.
Yesterday is under a haze.

…and just what would I want to remember?
Nothing, I suppose.

But I remember you.
Just this one thing…
You and a slew of muted pain.

….and the mist of rain.

Pictures
Just pieces of a time gone by.
Memories that used to make me cry
Now are just paint on canvas.

What is this?
I thought you’d remain forever
Even after suicide.

Now the blood has nothing to release
No pain to bleed.

There’s nothing
that pain needs to supercede.

Nothing has become
What used to be my everything.



 
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