creating new beliefs is my routine.
I put forth tons of effort to pretend
a better explanation of the means
will somehow make me happy with this end.

I work to prove the things I think are true
as though this loss would hurt me any less
if they were things that I could say I knew;
but knowledge doesn't help with loneliness.

and understanding why this had to be
would only make me blame me that much more
and if there's one fact I can guarantee
It's that I would, like all the times before.

'Cause I was never good enough for you,
and now the only comfort I can see
is that the worrying i've done is through-
the dread for when you'd come to detest me.

so let me ask of all right from the start
to please assume that I'm the first to know
that all the things in life that fall apart
are those I try to make it through alone.

And I need no help to remind myself
of all the lovely traits that I don't bear.
The only thing for which I needed help
was falling knowing love couldn't be there.

I do not want to hear that it's my lack
or know the ways this could have ended good.
I do not want to wish I could go back.
If I could change things, don't you think I would?

But I'm finding that it's just way too hard
to dwell on what I cannot interpret
and all it does it dig away at scars
that are already too hard to forget.

and it's true that I'm sorry I can't change
and that at times I wish I'd disappear
and if it could, this time would be exchanged
so painful memories aren't so severe.


10/14/06

 
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