Alone, in the silence that consumes me.
Thoughts, running through my mind.
Holding on to the only thing that truly knows me.
My Blade.

Oh how i long for it to caress my pale skin once again.
I'm CRAVING it,
LONGING for it,
LUSTING over it.

I craved it yesterday.
I craved it this morning.
And I'm craving for it right now as I'm reading this to you.

My Blade-
The coldness makes my body tingle.
Touching its jagged edge makes me want it even more.

I love the feeling right before i cut.
The adrenaline rush.
The power that i hold in my very own hands.

The choice is mine.
Whether or not to do it deep or even deeper.

I love it when the blood runs down my arm,
Then drops onto a piece of paper that i save for later, to remind me of all
The pain i was in that day.

I love it when i get into a fight with my parents,
Because it gives me an excuse to go upstairs and draw.

My body is my canvas.
I draw what ever i want to.

For me, cutting is an art.
Its like painting, your so focused on this one thing,
And you don't let anything else in your mind.
And when your done, you feel great about it.
Its BEAUTIFUL.
Its COMFORTING.
Its a MASTERPIECE.

All the cuts and scars on my arms are all different in there own way.
Behind each scar,
Lies a story.
Of love, hate, depression and pain.
It goes back more then five years of my life.

Now you know what cutting is to me.
Its something i cant live without.
People say its weird.
But for once in my life,
I feel like i have a reason to live.
Its the only thing I'm not scared to hold on to.
Its the only thing that's moves me through this life.
Its the only thing that's there for me everyday.
It doesn't forget me.
It comforts me.
It never forgets my name.
It sometimes even replaces love.
And I'd rather be doing this,
Then cruising through life not knowing what comes next.

It sees through my eyes,
And knows when I'm in pain.
My parents can only look into my eyes,
So they never really see whats going on.

Everyday it seems like I'm only faking my happiness.
Just so people wont ask questions.
And if they do,
I always say to myself,
There is nothing better then a good lie.

But the only time i can be myself and not feel fake.
It when i scraps across my skin.
Leaving no pain behind,
Only red ruby's.

And i wouldn't have it any other way.
Its the only thing that truly knows who i am.

By Lucy G.

 
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