Let it always be said she never cried
The moment that wood and flesh connected
The sound of her skin
The color of her skin
I saw her face
This I repeated many times to Christi
She listens to me
About my father
My problems
She’s a good listener to me that way
Noah stood there
His breath hitting me
His attempt at comforting me I guess
Comfort
Something I did not feel
I hit her and saw her face
Her pain was mine
I felt it
She bore the mark
I bore the pain
I ran
No, I walked
Then I ran
I ran from the pain but could not outrun it
I stopped on a landing
This happened in school
I talked to myself
The other self
We split into two people
One focused on the good
The other on the bad
She cried
If not on the outside
The inside
I hit her
I saw her face
If only I had sat down
My will is weak
If only I stopped swinging
My reflexes are slow
If only I’d stop joking
My sense of humor is nothing
When I hit her
The first thing I thought about was how to make it funny
There was nothing funny about this
I struck her
I struck her hard across the wrist
With a stick I shouldn’t have even been playing with
I thought to make it funny
My nervous reaction
When in doubt
Make everyone laugh
Her pain was mine
I took the responsibility
I heard them coming to look for me
I did not want to be found
I cannot stand sympathy
People have too much to worry about
Let alone me
I walked around
Avoiding them
They sought to help me
My father always told me
There was no problem big enough that I couldn’t solve myself
He was wrong but I obeyed
Those words are what made me run
I came unto a set of stairs but instead of running
I sat down in an alcove
I waited for someone to find me
Christi was first
Then Noah
They consoled me
I was in a trance
I didn’t listen to them
And then she came
The pain came back
I felt her gaze
It was burning my body
I did not want to look into her eyes
I could never do that again
I hit her
She cried on the inside
I ran
She came after me
She said it was nothing but it was so much more
I felt her pain and thought she would never love me again
Not that I wasn’t accustomed to that
People hate me all the time
I’m a bad person
Christi and Noah said I wasn’t
I believed them to a certain extent
My path of righteousness is a fraud
I am nothing more than I deliverer of pain
And the proof of this was in front of my eyes
She had ice of her hand
Cold, hard ice
I felt even more ashamed of myself
She said it was nothing but I ran
I still didn’t look her in the eyes
Not until she said she forgave me
I felt something odd
Like a burden being lifted
I looked into her eyes
They are brown
Just like mine
I called her my sister often
Not because we looked alike or anything
But because we were alike
On a spiritual level we were phenomenal
It was uncanny how much we understood one another
Christi was there too
She had her hand on my shoulder before Katelyn came
She hugged me
Her embrace was so warm
But it didn’t cure my pain
I stood up and went downstairs with them
Noah had left to do something else
I understood this
We walked back to the room
Everyone had gone
I had been gone a long time
I felt such compassion for her and Christi
For they had so much for me
I felt Katelyn’s light
She has what I have been looking for
Ever since I was little
I had always wanted a sister
And I had found her
I said I loved her
Something I had never said before
And her light destroyed my darkness.

 
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