This gut of mine
Living, breathing so chaotically inside my body
Folds within itself as your warm tongue traces my eager lips
A squealing third grader’s drawing
Take home and show to your drunken mother dear
I’m sure she’ll be proud
You don’t have to stay inside the lines

Let’s façade for a moment
Let’s pretend that I don’t see your skin curl when your flesh meets mine
Let’s pretend that I don’t see that smile of unfelt triumph stain
Your sweating face when the night is through
Let’s pretend that I don’t see your eyes gleam with simulated insanity
The kind that most pass as the lack of spawning companionship and loyalty
The thirst for more of the night crawlers
Crawling so hungrily up your leg
Intertwining thighs
How much this isn’t lacking in lies
I’d pay a million
Understanding minds don’t comprehend that it’s just a little something
called insanity
Or something like it
Let’s pretend that my ears are blind when you’re whispering to your
make-believe friends
Let’s pretend that I’m so blissfully and vulnerably unaware of my purpose
for you
A mere pillow because you fell crashing to the ground
Familiar of past shattering acts
Your imprint carved into it
Let’s stop pretending

Tying down your flailing arms now
Let the shield of disloyal joy fall
Come to grips with your exquisite sense of your painted-on self
Because you’re no one
A living corpse
Dead on the inside
Only wanting what others have to offer
Only wanting to feel yourself secure within their boneless legs
Only want to speak in the tongue of the wicked
Bells of perverse moans
Hear them ring
Only wanting to taste the salty sweetness of their used skin
Let’s hope your arteries don’t close up
You don’t want your pulse privileges taken away
Only wanting to feel what your mother and father felt so many years ago
Leaving others with the pain of what your mother felt nine months later
Only wanting what I had enough longing to give you

Now go on
Exit through the mahogany door on the left
And when she comes bare into your room
Thinking you’ll be there with her for a lifetime
Like eternity with flesh
Remember these words
And when you show each other what life is made of
From top to bottom
Remember these words
And when her moans echo through your heart’s old shell
And your muscles ache with refreshing lust
Remember these words
And when she calls you the day after
And ends up having a conversation with your recording voice
On the answering machine
Because you’ve got company
Hungry company
Remember these words
And when she comes crying out of the doctor’s office
The loneliness leaving marks in her heart
And knocks on your door
Repeating the exact words you spoke to her weeks earlier before you led her
to your house
Reminding your deaf ears of the promise you made to her
Remember these words
And when her trembling hand explodes with fury across your blank face
Because you so icily declined her plead for help
Remember these words
And nine months later
Keep your windows closed
Because I’m sure her screams of unknown pain will your ears
Swiftly gliding by the humans in the white coats and sterile hands
Remember these words
And for the rest of your life
After that one night
Carry protection.
 
Copyright © awkwardxsilence, All Rights Reserved