'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the dojo
Not a creature was stirring, not a bit of bad mojo;
The stockings were hung by the sword rack with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas would come unaware;

Ayame and Suzume were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of uncle kenny danced in their heads;
And Kaoru in her kimono, and I dressed in pink,
Had just sat down with Sano for a long winters drink.

When out on the path there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my sandals to see what was the matter.
Away to the porch I soared like the flash,
Sliced open the bamboo doors and hid my stash. (hehe)

The moon overhead reminded me of love long ago,
When I got knocked to the ground and Sano yelled, "Let is go!"
When, what to my deep red eyes should appear,
But a japanese sleigh, and eight technologically adavanced reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than Hikos insults his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, THRASHER! now, CANCER! now, LANCER and MIX'EN!
On, VOMIT! on STUPID! on, DANDER and BLITZEN!
To the top of the porch! yelled he, looking over his glasses;
Now dash away! dash away! or I'll kick your furry a.s.s.es!

As cherry blossom pedals that before the wild tsunamis fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the dojo-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of sake, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a instant, I heard on the eave.
The hooves of the reindeer, I could hardly believe;
As I drew back my sword, and was turning around,
Down the non-existent chimney Santa came with a bound.

He was dressed all in red, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of plush toys he had flung on his back,
Smiling brighty 'till Yahiko knocked him out with a Thwack!

His eyes -- they were bloodshot, his dimples were hairy,
His cheeks were all sweaty, his nose dripped of sherry!
His little drooly mouth was all but a glow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

His gums with lined with many broken teeth,
As thoughts of lawsuits encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face with a big pot belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of tofu-jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a big assed old dude,
And I said, "oro?" when I saw him, not to be rude;
With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
He waved at me hearty and then he was dead;

He fell of his sleigh as my eyes moved but an inch,
He'd been shot by good ol' Saito, Tokyos modern day grinch,
The reindeer screamed and shot off like a plane,
Saito just smiled, and lifted his pistol again;

He blasted all the reindeer clear outta the sky
As Kaoru and I stared, wondering why?
Then Saitou exclaimed, as he walked out of sight,
"FREE STEAK FOR ALL(except Sano), AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"

 
Copyright © rem, All Rights Reserved