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My Long Awaited Happiness Comes in Red Wrapping Paper
07/06/2004 @ 2:41pm
By:
awkwardxsilence

This blood hungry monster in me
Vicious in its captivating and painfully blinding beauty
Can’t be fed by those so plastic and loving ones at the place some call my
home
Skew your heart with the very pencil I write this with
Set it lightly on the grill
Save it for my hollow lunch tomorrow

You’re a liar
Deceiver
Never did I know such a foul creature could exist
But after so many wretched acts
Fucking awful acts
Of your so-called kindness
I saw

I was manipulated
I am manipulated
But no longer to what your desires etch into your mind
But to what I want to be
And what I want to be
Is your end

I’ll stab those glass spheres
So delicately holding your pupils
Until the only parts left are the shreds left in the dagger
And as your screams fill the room
Carving
Staining red story books into the walls
Onto your flesh my teeth will leave their brand

On the very bed that you had me
The blades will caress your limbs
I’m sorry to announce that they won’t be gentle

Point the gun to your mouth
I want it gone
So traces of me won’t be left on you
Pull the trigger close to me
Its happiness suppresses my blinding rage for a few of the longest
milliseconds ever known to our species
Your intricately carved lips punctuate the walls

Drive this stake through your heart
The thin blood in your veins morphs into a lonesome puddle of red nail
polish on the ground

I FUCKING HATE YOU
This rage inside of me devours my body, my soul, all that I am, all that I
am not
It steals what I touch, what I wish to touch, your heart as if it were gold
play dough
Change beneath my touch
This hate pouring from my fingertips prods your body like spikes
The card board cut out I had of you was shipped to the paper mill
Right after I drew a line with my ruby lipstick between your head and your
body
I was planning

It hurts to hate this much
My chest is breaking with the hollow abyss of my insides
But it’s what you get

Screaming into your ears
Reminding you of every lie you dared whisper to me
My throat is bleeding with the anger

YOU’RE SO FUCKING GONE
I WANT YOU OUT NOW
YOU’VE TAKEN AWAY SO MUCH OF MY LIFE
THIS LIFE
I’M RETURNING THE FAVOR
I HOPE YOUR LIQUID PAIN MAKES YOUR DEAD BODY DROWN
I HOPE THE PICTURES I DREW ON YOUR CHEST WITH BLADE CRAYON GET PUBLISHED
FOR ALL THE FUCKING WORLD TO SEE
EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID TO ME
I HOPE THE BULLET LODGED IN YOUR THROAT CAUSES THE METAL DETECTORS TO BREAK
INTO HELL
I HOPE THE PLEASURE YOU GOT FROM ME TURNS INTO A TWISTED HORROR THREATRICAL
PRODUCTION IN YOUR MIND
AND I HOPE THE CURTAINS DON’T CLOSE
I HOPE THE TEARS THAT LEFT SCARS ON MY SKIN BURN LIKE DEADLY ACID THROUGH
YOUR SCARLET FLESH
I HOPE WHEN SOME UNFORTUNATE DIGGER FINDS YOUR FUCKED UP REMAINS IN SOUTH
KOREA THAT YOUR LIMBS ARE SO SELFISHLY AND HEARTLESSLY SOLD ON EBAY
OR MAYBE PUT ON A GLASS CASE IN THE MUSEUM OF THE WICKED
I HOPE THAT I GET TO DRIVE THIS SCHOOL BUS OVER YOUR DEAD BODY AN INFINITE
AMOUNT OF TIMES MORE, BEFORE YOUR PARTS ARE ESTABLISHED INTO THE TIRES
ARE YOU LEARNING NOW?
SHUT UP YOU SCREWED CHILDREN
ESCAPING FROM YOUR MOTHER’S WOMB
AS IF THIS WORLD WAS ACTUALLY MEANT FOR YOUR INNOCENT EYES
YOUR TURN IS COMING SOON
I HOPE THAT YOUR EARDRUMS POUND SO HARD THAT THEY BURST WITHIN YOUR PRECIOUS
DAMNIT HEAD
I HOPE THAT AS YOU PLEAD FOR ME TO STOP YOU CAN’T HELP BUT WONDER WHY YOU
NEVER THOUGHT OF THESE REALMS OF TORTURE FOR YOURSELF
I HOPE THAT YOU CAN STILL HEAR ME SCREAMING BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT DEAD YET
YOU CAN’T HAVE THAT REWARD
YOU’RE IN FOR SO MUCH MORE
I HOPE DAMNIT THAT AS I TAKE THIS SAW AND FILE YOUR FINGERS THAT YOU MISS
YOUR KNUCKLES
AND THAT’S ONLY THE BEGINNING
AND I HOPE AS THE POISON TO TAKE AWAY MY BEING IN THIS FUCKED UP PLACE
THOSE LESS LITERATE CHOOSE TO CALL EARTH
GETS SENT THROUGH MY BODY
THAT A SMILE CREEPS UPON MY PEELING LIPS
AND AS THE WORLD BEGINS TURNING TO BLACK
INSTEAD OF ITS NORMAL GRAY
THAT I’M STLL SMILING
BECAUSE FOREVER, IN MY MIND, A SMILE WILL BE PAINTED ON MY FACE
I’M FINALLY HAPPY

I was desperate.
I was alone.
I was vulnerable.
I was willing.
I was an easy target.
I had what you hungered for.
I was everything you needed.

I was aware.
I was silent.
I was afraid of what might be the effect of my refusal.
I was less gullible than you thought.
I was bright.
I was told not to murder.
I was craving revenge.

I am dead.
I am rotting.
My bones seemed to have fallen into an infinite sleep.
I am blissfully stained with an expression of joy upon my skull.
I am happy with what I did.
I am happy with what they did to me.
I am happy with what you are now.
I am happy.

i think its safe to say that i let out some bottled up fury......

edit: okay, i made every thing, every person, every frikkin fleck of dirt
that makes me mad into this one, imaginary person to whom this was directed
at. felt gooooooooooooood. very good.
 
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