your words
are the paste that binds me together
and they are the crowbars
that pull me apart

how can someone who makes me
so damn happy
make me want to rip the blade
across my unwanted flesh?

like ropes tied around my throat
your softly spoken words lift me from the ground
like ropes tied around my throat
your loving words
directed towards her
tighten and stop the unsteady flow of rancid air

i'd give anything for you
to drop her to the side
i'd love you so much more than she was capable of
pinch myself till i bleed
because i know how happy she makes you
she's the one that keeps your heart awake
she's the one that keeps that lovely smile on your face
she's the one that holds you at night
but i want to be the one

i want you to forget about her
and rush to greet me
i want for her to tell you how much she loves you
because i know that makes you happy

i want you to block her out
and let me in
i want you to kiss her on her perfectly formed lips

i want you to push her away
and walk me home
i want you to hold her close
so you'll never be alone

i guess i always appeared so together
that's the beauty of a mask
i can't stand to hear you talk about her
i can't stand for you not to

i wish i could make you happy and whole as she does
i wish that you could see me the same way you see her
i wish
that just for one second
you wouldn't think of her
as the godsend that she really is
i wish
that just for one second
that you would see me
standing in the spotlight instead

i love you
even when you don't love me back
i love you
even when you make me cry because you talk of her gracious beauty
i love you
even when you don't see me standing there, right beside you
i love you

i wonder why you don't love me
but if you're happier not loving me...

i hate her for loving you
i love her for making you so happy
i hate her for making me invisible
i love her for making you smile

i could never make you smile.


fin.





life sucks.
thank you.
 
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