My mind sometimes thinks such beastly thoughts
Thoughts I do not want
It would do such hideous things
Things I do not want to do
But it is not my conscious mind
It is an older crueler mind
A primitive mind left over from evolution
A mind that thinks it needs to hurt others in order to survive
A mind controlled by the conscious mind
Because the conscious mind can say “no”
It is the mind that the cereal-killers
And rapist
And terrorists
Have given control to
And my primitive mind thinks the same thoughts
It wants to kill
It wants to rape
It wants to be feared
Because this is what it thinks it needs
And it invades my thoughts
Forcing me to conceive things I don’t want to even begin to imagine
Making me do what it can to hurt others
And even though my conscious mind fights back
Even though I say “no”
I can only fight for so long
And the only thing I truly fear is what happens when I can no longer say
“no”
 
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