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Double Life
09/24/2004 @ 4:42pm
By:
sarai

I ran into myself today
While living my double life
I rounded the corner... laughing, drunk, high
Surrounded by people I could never introduce to myself
And there I was in my unforgiving reflection
Glaring disdainfully... reproachfully
The glass did not portray who I was just then
Instead I was looking at my unpainted face, my unassuming clothes
And that solid gold band on my left ring finger
I, me,she... pointed accusingly
At my heavy makeup, my revealing outfit
And the arm wrapped too tightly around my waist
I tried to back away... run away from myself
But my eyes only followed
And I felt the scorn
This is the double life I lead
That I've trapped myself inside of
Tonight I am confident and sexy
Tonight I will smile at everyone I see
And laugh too loud
Tonight I will drink too much and dance with strangers
Tonight I will go home with someone(s) I don't know
And engage in impersonal, cheap sex
While I pose for lewd photographs
Tonight I will pass out in a cheap motel room
With the taste of sex and regret on my tongue
Tonight I will be who I can't be tomorrow
Tomorrow I will wake up and slide my ring back on
Tomorrow I will wash myself clean
Tomorrow I will get in my family sedan
And drive a hundred and seventeen miles
To my five bedroom house in the country
Tomorrow I will feed the dog and sweep everything under the rug
Tomorrow I will fold the laundry and lie to my husband
When he asks how my mother is
Tomorrow I will be plain and ordinary
And awkward and shy
Tomorrow I will wear baggy jeans and a sweatshirt
To hide my body
Tomorrow I will pretend that I don't live a double life
But tonight I will be anyone but me
 
Copyright © sarai, All Rights Reserved


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