10:00 and time to swim laps so I can
Burn calories and maybe be beautiful.
At 11:00 I sit and stare at my food hoping
Maybe today I'll be someone I can love.
11:30 I run around the block a few times
Wondering how many more until I'm not fat
Or stupid or selfish. The list is too long.
But by 6:00 I haven't finished inspecting
Exactly what about me I hate the most.
And by 10:00 I've given up on trying,
Tasting the bitter tears on my cheeks.

Tomorrow comes. The cycle repeats.
The compulsive exercise, the avoiding food.
I get smaller, but why aren't I perfect?
My life continues to revolve around it;
Such small things controlling my world.
Every day the minuscule numbers are
Determining my unlikely happiness or
Inevitable anger at myself for being too
Piggish, chunky, gargantuan, pudgy, FAT.

The hope depletes along with the fat cells,
But I'm blind to it, still seeing what's not.
It never has been, but that doesn't change this.
This ruthless parasite taking over my mind.
The things and people I once loved now settle
Waiting for me to remember them again and
Wondering when this thing is going to break me.
Watching my ribs appear while I fade away.
 
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