Well here I am again,
Only this time it’s 5am
It’s been one more sleepless night,
In a day of my so called life
I wish you could understand my pain,
The rage and confusion that drives me insane
And just when I feel like I’m losing my mind,
I cringe as you say the words “ Things will be fine”
Then I brace myself for what lies up ahead,
As a feeling of hope helps me climb out of bed
Slowly at first I start up that hill,
As some of the confidence I’d lost starts to build
And the higher I climb, determination appears,
And I think to myself “Skies the limit, have no fears!”
So I start to think: What should I do with my life?
What I’d be good at, What would I like?
To the 1st question I think to myself, happiness and success,
That answer is universal, I just want it in excess
Then I realize the 2nd was a waste to ponder,
And with arrogance I answer “ I can do anything. Do you wonder?”
So it’s on to the next, the 3rd final one,
When something strange happens, I can’t think of just one
There are so many things, it’s so hard to decide,
So I’ll leave my doors open to the outside
And just when I think that I’ve figured it out,
Something else comes along with a little more clout
But it doesn’t just happen this once so you see,
It seems to start happening in 2’s and in 3’s
Now I’m sure to most people it’s a dream that’s come true,
To have amazing opportunities coming at you by 2’s
But for me this is where things start to get hairy,
My thoughts start to race, can’t slow down, it gets scary
I lose track of time as the day become night,
Consumed by my thoughts, unable to take flight
The last one awake I stay out of sight,
And sometimes I’ll even turn out all the lights
I try to be quiet though at times I just can’t,
My thoughts grow so loud in my head as they chant
They sound like a grandfather clock when it chimes,
As they ring through my ears, and speed through my mind
Then back comes confusion and anger, despair
As it all seems to crumble and fall through the air
The doctors they say it’s the most dangerous state,
It’s called a “mixed episode” which I really do hate
I still can not sleep too many things in my head,
Then depression takes over, I wish I were dead
As I think about all of the pain that I’ve caused,
To my family and friends, I respectfully pause
Then I lower my head as I silently pray,
For the ones that I love to forgive me some day
You think that it’s me that I feel sorry for,
But my thoughts are of you as I said once before
As the tears gently roll down my face in a stream,
I hope for you all to know just what you mean
So with unconditional love comes this letter I send,
But as already known all things must come to an end

 
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