As I sit here alone in this old motel room
My mind starts to race, my thoughts begin to zoom.
I have so many questions that I want to ask.
To get answers to all will be quite a rough task.
There are numerous things I just don’t understand
At times it feels as if I’m stuck in quicksand .
I struggle and fight as I try hard to think,
‘bout why bad things happen, as I rapidly sink.
Like why has my life just been turned upside down?
My boat has flipped over, I’m starting to drowned.
How could God give me a miracle to share?
With the one that I love, a child I’ll bare.
When God already knew right from the start
5 months into it all, he’d break my heart.
For more than 4 years I gave him my life
Through good times and bad, I never lost site
Of the man that I fell for before all the drugs
Took control of the reins and tested our love.
We both knew the reason we’d argue and fight.
The drugs had to go, we could both see the light.
But for one this was easier said than done.
Seems he’d lost his control to the drugs, the drugs won.
He starts lying and stealing and rarely comes home.
Gets “high” all the time, I’m left here alone.
He says that he loves me more that anything else
Then he tells me he cheated, cries ashamed of himself.
Who is this person that he has become?
Where is my true love? What has he done?
And just as I thought things couldn’t get worse
I wasn’t prepared to endure such a curse.
I wanted to believe all the things that he said
As he continued to lie and play games with my head.
How could he do this to me overnight?
Everything he’s been doing, just isn’t right.
He’s abandoned me like he did his 1st son.
Once again he got scared, it was easier to run.
He won’t even call to make sure I’m ok.
As time starts to fly, I must prepare for the day
I will deliver God’s gift the best way that I can
Without him by my side, holding my hand.
He says he can’t wait ‘til we start birthing class.
I just don’t believe him, he thinks of us last.
God please explain why his priorities are gone.
To not think of his family is just so wrong.
They say it’s the drugs controlling his mind.
To me that’s no reason to be so unkind.
A father he’ll be come May or come June
But the baby he made will not hear his tune.
For I won’t let my child get hurt by a dad
Who just comes and goes and doesn’t feel bad.
He made his choice when he walked out that door.
Doesn’t call, doesn’t write, he’s chosen to ignore.
We’ve become as they say “out of sight, out of mind”
But he’ll regret what he’s done, all in due time.
Then one day he’ll sit by himself all alone
As he drowns in the pain that he’s caused, and he’ll moan.
Day by day he will live in a personal hell
Tormented by his past, is on what he will dwell.
It’s with this thought I realize that his day will come.
No more need for my questions. Its ok now, I’m done.

 
Copyright © trinitislove, All Rights Reserved