Hold back your tears
They’ll come again.
There are no exceptions
you won’t know when.
Why even try
To hide from them your sorrow.
They all know
It’ll still be there tomorrow.
You feel the need
To cry uncontrollably.
Why oh why you think
This pain, can’t anyone see.
Why do I try
Why do I even pretend.
When I feel hurt and broken
This pain no one can mend.
I’ll go on acting normal
I’ll go on acting like nothings wrong.
I don’t know if I can keep it up
I don’t know how long.
I’ve never felt this much pain
I feel an unquestioning need to hurt myself.
These feelings they just won’t go away
I can’t put them on a shelf.
So what should I do
I just don’t know.
This pain inside
Will continue to grow.
What can I do
I’m unaware.
I just want
Everyone not to care.
Trying to go on
Trying to forget.
But still all I want
Is to be hit.
I’m forever changed
When everyone else is still the same.
Stuck in a moment of time
This is my life, not a movie, not a game.
Hearing their screams
Hearing their cries.
Thinking of them
And our ties.
Reliving the moment
I live to forget.
But I can’t, won’t forget
Not a little bit.
I don’t need to know
Don’t want to know.
Everything going through my head
I just want to be let go.
I have to wonder
As I tell my lies.
Can anyone see it
This pain in my eyes.
No one knows
I haven’t told anyone.
The truth about what happened
Why I want to run.
Why can’t I tell them
Why is it I don’t want them to feel sorry for me.
But I think there’s a possibility
That they already see.
Of course they don’t know the specifics
That’s impossible.
That they could possibly know
Everything going on in my soul.
Why am I afraid
To show a weakness I might hold inside.
If its there
Will it come and go like the tide.
I think of my life, I think of my death
I feel nothing.
I think of others, I think of the death
And I feel a sting.
I want to cry
I want to die.
Make it stop
Make it end.
Because what I feel, who I am, what I do
Isn’t at all pretend.
I just want to be released.

 
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