I think my final thoughts
And breathe a sigh of relief
I’ve reached the end
And I don’t mind
I take the knife in my hand
And think of what I long to do
I start crying silently
Wondering what the end will bring
I grab the bottle of alcohol, quite forcibly
And refill my empty glass
I drink it all in one drink
It’s numbing me, I can’t really feel, my mind
It might be helping me, I’m not sure
Maybe it’s making it all worse
Maybe I should rethink this whole thing
I think of all the hate and pain that feel my life
And I know somewhere deep down inside that I have made the right decision
One good in all my life
I’m not sure what they end will bring
But I know I must find out
Because I feel it’s the only way I can escape
Everything I dislike
My life, and life in general
People and things I can’t stand
This world in all it’s unsplendor
What can I say
I do deny that I am untroubled
I will not try and hide
That is plainly immature
So I squeeze the knife tighter
And get ready for my just deserved
I slash the wrist, my wrist
And scream in pain
In silent agony
What have I done
What have I become
I just don’t know
I’m getting ready for all the pain to come
All the pain that I wanted to feel
But all the alcohol I had, numbed just too much
Perhaps it was what I had earlier swallowed
The thirty pills or so
I’m unsure I lost my count after fifteen
The age that I am now
There was just to many thoughts that came with that number
Too many unpleasant thought of the year
And of the two before
I think again “What is it I have become”
So since I can not feel what I want I start screaming and slashing
I am just infuriated, caught between a girl and woman I am on fire
I scream And cry and shout that I want to die
And that when I realized that I was wasting my last moments on earth
So I sat calmly and thought about everything in my life
Everything that influenced me and everything that I liked
I try to stand and realize a second afterward what a bad move to make
My time has finally come
I take a last look around and hit the ground with a thud
On all the walls and everywhere is my virgin blood

 
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