You're so cold and hard in your casket
And you don't know how hard this is for me
And how cold these days will be ahead
You always promised that if I ever needed you
To call and you'd be there for me
But now the time I need you most
You're not a phone call away

It took me a while to look at you
Knowing you wouldn't get up
Every time I got closer it hurt more
I swore you were alive and near me
When I got up the courage to touch you
Cold vibrated around your body
I played with the hair that was barely there
Just enough so I could pull it
If you were alive you would've yelled at me
You never let me touch your hair
I figured you'd deal
Once I began to touch you
I didn't want to stop
I stayed with you and held your hand
The hand that so often playfully hit me
Now was so cold and stiff
I kissed you on the forehead
And played with your beard
I didn't like the new facial hair
I missed your old gotee
But you liked it so it shall stay
I'll love you anyway
I hugged you and cried on your chest
Then called you an asshole for leaving
I looked at all the pictures
Of you with me
You with Tra
You with Jess and GT
So many happy memories
But I broke down most when I saw the one
Of me when I was so little
And you already so big
Carrying me on your shoulders with a big smile
So close of cousins
I wish you were still here
Because when I hugged you
I still expected you to hug me back
One of those Famous Andy hugs

All I can think of is you
Everything else seems so stupid
All of those little things
That were so important last week
Is all juss stupid teenage drama
It's not real
It's insignificant and irrelevant to real life
I haven't thought about my crush since I've heard
Being hit by that bitch
Or being picked on by those homies
Or being liked or not by that cute guy
It all just doesn't matter anymore
And I'm not sure when it'll start to again

My hands are still cold from holding you
It still hurts me so bad because the wound is still fresh
Maybe it'll never stop hurting
Maybe I'll never forget
Your ear rings weren't in
The family wasn't happy about that
You through them away before you went
But you just ain't Andy with ought them
So I gave you one of mine
I'll see you tomorrow at the last wake
I wish it wasn't the last
Because although I cry
And I'm so upset to see you dead
I juss love to see you
So I give you a kiss though this writing
And a hug to go along
And I've stopped asking you to come back
Cause I know that you can't
And even though I'm so angry at you
I'm on my way to forgiveness
Just for the fact that
I can never hold a grudge against you
Especialy if you can't fight back
I love you Andy, I really do


Andy Ochs (Mullowney) 1981-2004 I love you you stupid ass you
 
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