My soul has been prisoner to my self hate
Trapped inside this body in this so called cage
Beaten and broken and warn to the bone
I am my worst enemy
I only fear myself
Knowing that I will forever be alone

I am a lover to the pain I inflict
The gashes and scars portrayed on my wrist
Never backing down from a fight
Never having the fucking guts to put down that knife
And yes I am afraid
Afraid of what I have become
This image I portrayed makes me want to run
Run away from myself and never look back
Never look into those eyes

Oh how they make me want to hack
Let my guts be scattered across this dirty floor
Stained with previous attempts to end the fear
Previous attempts that grow more and more near as the days pass by
And as this razor becomes my only friend and guides me through the light
I am still in this pitiful fight
A fight towards myself
I always prolong my own agony
Always having my head over that toilet
Always on my knees
So let my failed attempts add on to my list and let my be disgusted on how I
became this

So let my infinite hatred runs through my veins
And let the scars on this frail body be for all those who seek the unknown
answers I found in my diminutive treachery
I know nothing
Only this wretched lifestyle I have manufactured upon myself
That somehow over the years made me who I am
And force me to regret the courteous contemplation I had ever thought in my
mind
The ones filled with repulsion and never ending distortion

And let me try to make this work
Let me find my way out before I am six feet under in the dirt
My crude isolation leaves me dry
Leaves me dehydrated from my so called little white lies
Let this false appearance be painted on my skin
Soaked and stained deep within
Make me give in

This self doubt is for all to see that I am not so fucking pretty
Underneath the fake that I am is such a fucking monster
A person I cannot even stand
So I pick at myself till blood pours its way out and leaves me here in my
skepticism
Forever in my own self doubt I’ve conjured and made
Made it be forced upon myself like a plague
Let me finally die and be put to rest

Although I was immortal to the fucking shit I had for myself
My so called friend
My self doubt
Self hate
Help me motivate myself
To finally see
I am a fuck up

A beast prowling around forever looking for its prey
While it finally dies off and scatter away
Dead
God as dead is what I’ll be
My only goal I had and accomplish in vision I created for myself
So here read in between the lines while the pages stick together from my
deceit
Read my guide
Every instruction you can
Hopefully it will be made of use and will assist you own your journey to
find yourself
Here is my book on my own self help

 
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