The pain feels good
The scalding water buring my skin
Reddening it
I grit my teeth to keep from crying out
I wash my hatred down the drain
Trying to shake the pain and
memories
When I can't stand it anymore
I turn it hotter
Crying and seething inwardly at
myself
At the one who screwed up my life
My body screams as I walk absently
through the house
I feel like I'm invincible
No one even looks at me
But I don't notice
Everything is blood-red
The monster is building inside
again
I lock myself in my sanctuary
The walls hold no grudges
Not even when I beat them
Bloodying my hands and feet and
head
Something different today
The world moves without me
I am apart from everyone
No one knows, no one cares
I tighten the rope around my wrist
Each tug representing a time I could
have fought back, but didn't
I struggle to find a shred of dignity
from the memories
And pull harder when I find none
In my mind I run so fast
Trying to rip the demons off
They destroy my will, my hope
Invade me, my body, my mind, my
soul
The pain finally breaks through
I stare down at my worn wrist
Red and bleeding from the
tightening rope
My hand is dead, like my heart
My mind, my soul, my body
I can't escape the demons
Angrily, I rip away the rope
Tears streaming down my face
Useless tears for a useless person
My other wrist is healing from the
loving bite of the razor
Leaning back and closing my eyes,
I try to forget
 
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