I feel like my heart is tearing
Everyday a new nick is formed
And a little bit of me dies
Slowly bleeding out
Drop by crimson drop
Like tears I can not express
Lately the tears have become rips
Jagged and harsh
Now steadily flowing
I do not know if it is fear
Or loneliness to blame
But I am dying as time passes
My heart is broken
My mind is fractured
And I am left with these feelings
Sadness, shame, and emptiness
Medication does not work
Talking is too hard
And so I write
I ask why this is happening
And when will it leave
I do not wish to die
This thing has a hold of me
I can not get free
Its grasp is so fierce
Making it unbreakable
I feel real physical pain
More than emotional
Life has become unbearable
This thing is forcing me to choose
Live with the pain or die and be free
I think I can hold on a little longer
But as of now it is winning
It has me thinking of dying
By now my heart is torn wide open
My crimson drops and rivers
Are gushes and spurts
As my broken heart tries to pump
But can not
Am I doomed to suffer like this
Or will this to pass
It seems like an eternity
Every second, minute
I do not know what to do
Is there anything
I am battling myself again
And I am terrified I will lose
I can only try
And so I plan minute by minute
Saying if I can make it one more
Maybe I will be OK
Be truly free, alive
And in writing this
I have survived ten more minutes
And this is why I write

Casandra

 
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